Additions to my gratitude list:
- crickets at night
- gum
- charcoal pencils
- fiddlehead ferns
- the sparkle of last night’s raindrops in early morning sun
- the clusters of four-petaled white-flowered weeds sprouting up in my yard, and how they’re always surrounded by others, never just one out there alone.
Archive for May, 2010
Gratitude
Friday, May 21st, 2010The Art of Yoga
Saturday, May 1st, 2010If, a year ago, someone told me that I’d be spending my Wednesday mornings sketching nudes, I’d have pleaded to mow the lawn instead. Maybe take out the trash.
I’ve never been a student behind an easel, never even stood at an easel for that matter. The mention of a charcoal pencil sent my mind into a chatter fest of excuses not to draw or, heavens, paint. I remember I trembled. And worried. How could I possibly produce something that wouldn’t be clumsy and inept?
When my first symptoms of PD grew too strong to hide, I became that frightened student again, wishing for another diagnosis the way I’d preferred to have done chores. Again, I trembled and felt clumsy and inept.
Four years later, something magical has happened. I picked up a paintbrush and it felt good. I now grin the entire time at an art store replenishing yellow ochre and stocking up on sketchpads.
Now, I stand behind the easel in class and I’m absorbed in what my eyes see and translate to my fingers. It fascinates me when I step back and discover what has emerged on the page.
More than the product – either sketch or painting – I am entirely present in each moment of the process. Fear doesn’t exist. Inadequacy is gone. For those two hours each week, I am not a person with PD. I am not tall or short or blonde or nearsighted. I’m simply there, in that room, bearing witness to what I see.
It’s no surprise that I’m no longer concerned about what might appear on the paper or what I might look like to passersby when my symptoms show, when my meds are off or a tremor sneaks into my thumb.
Art class has taught me about life. Reminds me of yoga.
